My mood has slightly improved, but I continue to be pretty miserable. I am no longer craving every food in the universe, and I certainly get full MUCH faster now. One protein shake will keep me satisfied for a couple of hours now. I had lost another 1.5 pounds this morning when I weighed myself which gave me a lift. I have't really shown any further weight loss since my 16 pounds on Atkins prior to the start of the liquid diet and that was really starting to get to me. My body seemed to go into a mini-shock the first few days, holding on to every calorie and every ounce of water I drank. My feet, ankles and legs swelled up to an uncomfortable point. I take a blood pressure medication that contains a "water pill" or diuretic in it. Usually it makes me pee LARGE quantities every single hour of the day. For the first few days on this liquid diet, I was hardly peeing - even with the pills. My body was over-riding the medication to preserve itself!
The goal is to get in 60 grams of protein everyday to prevent muscle loss, so I am working hard to get at least 3 protein shakes in (each one with skim milk has more than 18 grams). I am drinking broth too which is not a source of protein surprisingly, but is warm and filling. I can eat all of the sugar free popsicles I want and sugar free Jello.. I tried the popsicles one night, but they just gave me horrible heartburn, so that was a bust. I think the Jello will be the same way, so I haven't tried that yet. I may make some tomorrow to see if it helps.
I'm definitely more tired, a little bit weak and I get a headache and dizziness every night before bed, but I am surviving! My stomach hurts most of the time. I will admit now that I don't think that I have EVER been truly hungry in my life until now. I truly know what hunger feels like now. It's a gnawing pain that doesn't go away. It's not a craving for something to eat or that feeling you get when you see a delectable ad on tv for something perceived as "delicious". Hunger is a pain in the gut that doesn't go away. I feel incredible empathy now for starving people (in particular starving children) all over the world. We as Americans generally have no idea what it really is. No child should go to bed hungry! No one should have to starve and feel the pain of their body wasting away looking for something to provide energy. If every American gave $1.00 to a reputable group that would wisely feed hungry people, we could make a HUGE difference! Why doesn't our government put that $1 donation on every tax return? We give $1 to fund political campaigns, why not to stop hunger?????
ok...off my soap box, but REALLY?
I leave for Mexico in 8 days which seems a little bit like an eternity right now, but I know it will be here very soon! I can do this... I can do this... I will just continue to tell myself this..
I have also come to the conclusion that this journey is mine and mine alone. No one around me understands the hunger, the weakness, the pain and the frustration. My sweet husband is sad with frustration. He wants so much to ease this burden and he is helpless. My 25 year old son will be physically traveling with me to Mexico for the surgery but he is young and really lacks empathy. He has a loving heart and I know he means well, but he is just too young and self-centered yet to really get this whole situation and give me any comfort emotionally. All of my life, I have had someone to walk with me through my toughest times and darkest hours, but this time... ALL ME. I'm not complaining about it - just stating the facts. I got myself fat like this all by myself and now I will walk this journey for the most part alone. I do smile thinking of how much stronger and more assured I will be on the other side of all of this. I am not only preparing to start my life anew as a trim and fit person, but I will be able to always remember the suffering that brought me through it. I can do nothing other than come out a better person.
Anyone want to tell me this is the "easy way out" now?
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