I have been understandingly I would think, quite timid about who I will share this information with here at home. Blogging is different. It's liberating in a way. I know that you don't know me personally and I know that you don't care about telling anyone I might know. I can be open and honest without concern.
As I reached out and began to share my weight loss surgery plan(s) with a few handpicked friends and family, I was surprised to see and hear their reactions. I figured some might feel very worried for my safety. I thought most though would share in my excitement and joy. Ahhh.. but I was so wrong.
A couple of my friends wagged their fingers at me and told me I shouldn't take the "easy way out". They literally had the nerve to tell me to join Weight Watchers and Overeaters Anonymous. Wow. If it were truly just that simple at this point. I was actually told by some that even know I have Rheumatoid Arthritis that I should just "buckle down and exercise". Some expressed only concern for my safety and then wished me well. One or two expressed their worry that I would be changed emotionally or mentally and that they may not like the new me. My own mother expressed deep concern for my safety and health and then gave me a speech about how I would get a lot more male attention and to be careful of that so as not to ruin my happy marriage.
All in all, the reactions could have certainly been worse, but they weren't quite what I anticipated. I have learned some valuable information about friends, women in general and vanity. Many times in my life I have had friends who were jealous or passively aggressive with their friendship. I was always baffled by that. My mom always told me when I was in school that I was beautiful and they were jealous, as a good mom should. Inside though, I could never understand WHY other girls in school were so petty and nasty. I have never been jealous of another woman's looks or clothes or belongings. I have envied a woman's looks, style or weight, but I have NOT been jealous. I just don't seem to have that all too common seed of commonality with other women - the ugly seed of jealousy. I have found that in my life, when I weighed less, I had fewer female friends. I wonder now if they were feeling jealous or if it was a coincidence...? As I got bigger and bigger, I seemed to attract more and more friends. Could it be that women like to be friends with an obese woman to make themselves look and feel better when out together in public? Is that even possible? So now I wonder if I will find myself with fewer friends as I lose weight? Will women be catty and nasty? If it's not plain 'ol jealousy, could it be that attractive women are perceived by their friends as a threat to their intimate relationships? Is a more attractive and lean woman a threat in the office? Could they possibly imagine that if their friend is a normal size they see her as competition and when she's obese, she's no threat?
So my new question to myself is "Will I lose friends when I am thin"?
I have some really amazing friends and I feel very blessed with their love and friendship. I am worried that they will see me differently, and that's a scary thought! I am being honest and rational here. Who would NOT change when their self esteem rises from the ashes? Who would not be a little bit more outgoing when they feel they are as attractive as their friends finally? I don't see those as being negatives at this point. I hope I'm not being naive here, but I will be ME. I am under all of this fat and I will still be here when it's gone.
It's mildly disturbing to me that the people I told about my WLS (weight loss surgery) didn't jump for JOY and yell "Congratulations!!!" I don't know quite what to make of that, but I also know that my self esteem has been in the toilet for too long. It's time for me to be reborn into my new body and I am grateful as hell to have this WLS to use as a tool to make my goal!
I have 7 sons and all of them reacted with what I can best describe as fear. They are worried about the surgery, the trip, the healing and the HUGE sacrifices in food to come after surgery. When I asked them straight out, "Won't you be proud to finally have a thin mom?" not one replied with a "yes". As a matter of fact most glossed over me even saying that. I was very surprised by that too. Maybe they were just trying to be kind..? Naww... Not my sons! LOL
Only time will tell who stays by my side and falls away. I hope many prove that as I type this I am being silly and paranoid. :)
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