It's almost time that I buck up and post a "before" picture (without my head of course).... the thought nearly gives me an anxiety attack, but I need to do it.
As my surgery day draws ever closer, I find that I am really down. Great joy and hope are ahead, and yet I am beginning to really grieve my good friend FOOD. Eating has been my friend, my comfort, my crutch and sometimes my joy. I have used it in times of pain, horrible grief (from losing two children) and in loneliness when my 2nd marriage was so miserable. It has stood by me, faithfully.
Now I know it's time to say goodbye to this lifelong friendship as really all along it's been my worst enemy. My appetite and love for food has destroyed my health, my self esteem and probably two marriages. I don't even know how to say goodbye. I don't know how to never look back on the eating habits I have lived with for 48 years, but I DO know that it's time to kick food to the curb. It's time for me now. It's time to be healthier and feel good about myself. It's time to stop wasting money at fast food outlets that are killing my heart, my body and my self esteem. It's time to take control of my life and never lean on food again. The issues that have helped to make me the obese adult that I am today are still going to be looming, so I know there will be hard days and many days of discovery and tears, but I am ready for the battle.
I will take this battle and it's grief one day at a time and I will do my best not to lose hope. I am gaining a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG) which will be my forever tool to one and for all conquer the food that has controlled me! I will eat to live rather than live to eat!
Picture? Not today. LOL Not brave enough yet. One day soon.
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