The last couple of weeks have been full of emotional ups and downs. I continue to struggle most days with getting in 64oz of water and I have had only a couple of days where I actually got above 60 required grams of protein in one day. It continues to be kind of an annoying, tedious task to eat when not hungry and drink when not thirsty, but I am working hard at it.
The loss of weight has given me more energy for sure. Dragging that extra weight around is tiring at best and without it I am moving more and not hurting quite as much from the Osteoarthritis in my knees. I have now lost 57 pounds since starting my pre-op liquid diet in June of 2012 and I am going strong!
My stomach hurts when I'm hungry and I know to eat some protein. My throat and/or lips get dry and I know to drink. It's so odd still - eating and drinking only for need. The days of eating and snacking and enjoying meals are long gone. Sometimes it's a little bit hard and sad for me, admittedly. I have been very fortunate with this surgery though. I have no hunger, no thirst and really no "head hunger" to speak of. On a rare occasion I will think of something that sounds good to eat, but then within literally a minute or two, the thought it gone. I have not suffered from cravings of foods that are not something I can eat.
Every once in awhile I wonder if I have made the right decision. The gnawing pain in my stomach at times and the occasional intestinal upset, which is as of yet unexplained, are not the most fun to experience. It's hard to think about never eating a normal meal again. It's sad to know that I will never again comfort myself with chocolate when I'm "PMSing", and it's weird to think of family holidays and dinners where I will cook all day to watch everyone else eat. The real truth of it is that there is nothing that tastes as good as feeling good about myself feels. I am feeling more confident and happy every single day. I have SO many pounds yet to lose, but I am starting to see a real difference in my body and I am relieved to know that every single pound that I burn away will NEVER return!
Yes, this surgery is not for the faint of heart and certainly not for someone that is not commited to eating differently for the rest of their life. If you can "stomach" this surgery though, you can have your life back and feel really good about yourself again! More soon...
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